Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
