he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
