i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
