well you can't waste a boner
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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