Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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