I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
