Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Houston, we have a blender
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
