Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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