Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
