they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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