i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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