you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
