just come out here and I will go home with you...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
