I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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