Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
