don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
