So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
