i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
