my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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