...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
