Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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