you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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