your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
