god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
