420 ftw
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
