You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
