dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
