they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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