I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
