6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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