Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
