Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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