Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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