the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
