watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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