Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
