Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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