hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
