so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
