I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
