Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
