I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
