I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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