i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
