yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
