so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
