So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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