my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
