I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
