I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
